some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize