My nipple is on Facebook.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
