You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
