As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
did you just send me my own nude
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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