FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
