My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
