We're like a lot better than the average bears
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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