so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize