i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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