well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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