Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
