my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They took my balls.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
