I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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