I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
