my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
love makes seman taste better
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
