I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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