he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize