My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
