Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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