when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
