.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
