Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
