who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
