i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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