so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
