I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
