I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
