You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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