Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
