she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
