Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
