You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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