Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
