oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
