the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
