You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i believe in u and ur pee
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
