Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
