Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
