So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
