Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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