It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
