how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
