He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So here I am, sexting at work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
