My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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