Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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