I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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