I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
