Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
