Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
