Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
