apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
