Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
