My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize