I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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