Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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