Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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