i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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