Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
