i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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