the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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