I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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