oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
