You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
