that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
