Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
