do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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