Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize