I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
