It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
