Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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