You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
