I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize