She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she told me i tasted like america
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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