Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
