Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
