Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
