i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
