So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
