So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize