Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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