one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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