I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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