Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
