She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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