We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize