I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
home. puking in laundry basket.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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