You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
