I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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