Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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