why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
