The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
