The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
