just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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