is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
