Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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